Qzak wrote:TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.
THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, 'GO UP TO THE FIRST
TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING
TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.'
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, 'YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!'
'DEAD?' SAYS HIS FRIEND, 'WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER.'
HIS FRIEND SAYS, 'COULD BE WORSE I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.'
'A WITCH ??. . WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?'
'WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW... TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!'
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship.
One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm.
He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on!
The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"
The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.
The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my brown pants!!!'
onions wrote:Challenge ends 5/10 at 10pm PDT.
Blondie-Wan wrote:What - it's over already?onions wrote:Challenge ends 5/10 at 10pm PDT.
"5/10 at 10pm PDT"... that's May 10th (today, as of this writing), at 10 in the evening, Pacific Daylight Time (so, the time in California, for example), right? Isn't that still more than 13 hours away, as of this writing (about 11:40 am, in the eastern part of Florida)?
Just wondering (I don't actually have any particularly funny jokes at my disposal, alas)...
GoN2Broadway wrote:I am sorry if this causes any trouble, and this is in no way against Qzak and his funny joke, but I have to ask:
Why was my joke, which did not include overt sexual references and meanings get deleted, whereas the joke that won includes: 2 old men in a brothel having s&x (directly mentioned, only stated as "loving") with blowup dolls and then talking about the act after the fact?
I am confused due to the lack of standardization of a "clean" joke. If other jokes were held to a higher level, shouldn't this one as well? As stated earlier, I think Qzaks joke is really funny, but I fail to see how their joke was less "racy" than mine?
onions wrote:Before I announce my decision, I feel like I need to explain a few things. At the outset, I had required that the jokes be clean. Now I believe my threshold for when a joke goes from clean to dirty is a lot higher than most people, hence why some of the more suggestive jokes allowed.
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